When Your Thoughts Aren’t Actually Yours (and How to Gently Take Them Back)

I was talking with a friend recently about something he really, really wanted. The kind of thing you don’t say lightly out loud because once you do, it feels tender. Hopeful. A little scary.

For a couple of weeks, he had been talking to everyone about it. Friends. Acquaintances. Reading things online, seeking reassurance and certainty.

And instead, he ended up feeling worse.

Not because anything had gone wrong, but because all he could see were other people’s limitations. Other people’s stories. Other people’s “this didn’t work for me” experiences.

I paused him and said something gently, but honestly:

You’re not actually in your own energy right now.

You’re sitting in everyone else’s.

And we all do this. Truly. Especially when something matters.

How We Accidentally Talk Ourselves Out of What We Want

Here’s what I noticed in that conversation and what I’ve noticed in myself more times than I can count.

When we want something badly, we often start outsourcing trust.

We ask more questions. We gather more opinions. We look for proof that it’s possible or impossible.

And slowly, without realizing it, our thoughts stop being ours.

We absorb someone else’s fear. Someone else’s disappointment. Someone else’s timeline. And suddenly, what felt possible two weeks ago now feels heavy, far away, or unrealistic.

Nothing about the situation has actually changed.

But our energy has.

And energy matters.

I told him: No one knows how this will turn out. Not you. Not me. Not the people you’re asking. Your situation is yours. It doesn’t belong to the internet. It doesn’t belong to other people’s lives.

Right now, you’re just swimming in too many borrowed thoughts.

The Difference Between Unintentional and Intentional Thoughts

Unintentional thoughts are sneaky.

They sound like: “Well, maybe this just isn’t realistic.” “Other people tried, and it didn’t work.” “Maybe I’m getting my hopes up.”

They don’t feel dramatic. They feel logical. Reasonable. Protective.

But they often come from fear, not truth.

Intentional thoughts, on the other hand, don’t force positivity. They create space.

They sound like: “I don’t know how this will work… yet.” “This hasn’t happened… yet.” “I’m still becoming.”

One of my favorite shifts is simply adding yet to the end of a sentence.

It’s such a small thing, but it changes everything.

“I haven’t figured this out yet.” “This isn’t clear yet.”

Yet keeps the door open. It tells your nervous system: we’re not stuck. We’re still in motion.

Another phrase I love and use all the time is “I am becoming.”

Not “I am.”Not “I should be.”

Just… becoming.

I am becoming more confident. I am becoming more grounded. I am becoming wealthy.

There’s so much gentleness in that—so much permission.

Sometimes I Literally Just Tell Myself “Shhh”

I want to be honest about something.

Sometimes when my mind starts spiraling, I don’t journal it out. I don’t analyze it. I don’t lovingly reframe it.

I just say:

“Nope. Shhh.”

That’s it.

Not in a mean way. More like okay, that thought doesn’t get to run the show today.

It’s been surprisingly effective.

Because not every thought deserves your energy, some thoughts are just nervous system noise. Some are old habits. Some are fear dressed up as logic.

And sometimes the most loving thing you can do is not engage.

Come Back Into Your Body (Even for 30 Seconds)

One of the quickest ways to shift a thought loop is to leave your head entirely.

No overthinking required.

Just come back into your body.

Feel your feet on the floor. Notice your breath. Drop your shoulders. Unclench your jaw.

Even 30 seconds can change things.

When we’re stuck in mental loops, we’re often not actually present. We’re projecting into the future, replaying conversations and imagining outcomes that haven’t happened.

Your body brings you back to now.

And now is usually much safer than the story your mind is telling.

Your Desire Isn’t Random

This is the part I really want you to hear, whether you’re reading this for yourself or thinking about someone you love.

Wanting something doesn’t mean you’re delusional. Or unrealistic. Or setting yourself up for disappointment.

A quote I love says it perfectly:

“Your desires are cosmic callings from above.” — Rochelle Fox

Your desires didn’t come to torment you.

They came to guide you.

But they need space. Trust. And an internal environment that isn’t constantly flooded with other people’s fears.

You don’t need to know how it will all work out. You don’t need proof. You don’t need consensus.

Sometimes you need to stop absorbing what isn’t yours and come back home to yourself.

If You’re Feeling Stuck Right Now

If this resonates, here’s your gentle reminder:

You’re allowed to want what you want. You’re allowed not to have it all figured out. You’re allowed to protect your energy. You’re allowed to say “shhh” to the thoughts that don’t serve you.

Add yet. Choose becoming. Drop back into your body. Trust that your situation is still unfolding.

Nothing has gone wrong.

You’re just being invited to think and feel more intentionally.

And if you ever forget, that’s okay too. We all do.

Just take a moment to ground yourself.

You can always begin again.

Remember, you got this! Keep shining!

Natalie

P.S. If you’ve been feeling mentally stuck or energetically drained, you don’t have to work through it alone.

Reiki can help you calm your nervous system, clear mental noise, and reconnect with your own energy and clarity.

You can learn more about working with me or book a session when it feels right: Reiking Sunshine Services.